wilddragonflying

thesokovianaccords:

here’s the thing about adulthood-
you will go for like three months with nothing happening and you’re bored as hell and then in the span of two weeks eight different things happen at once - some fantastic and some shitty and some just plain bonkers - and you’re just running around like a chicken with your head cut off and no clue what the fuck is going on

(via hmslusitania)

mangomybeloved:

this reddit thread of living your silliest life is so so good

(via gallusrostromegalus)

kactusnz:

mayasaura:
gender-trash:
gender-trash:
gender-trash:
i am! obsessed! with this book from the late ming dynasty about scams to watch out for (esp. if you are a traveling merchant). this guy is like, there ARE immortals who can survive without food but you WILL NOT encounter them because they live alone in the mountains and don’t talk to anyone. if a monk comes to your house and claims to not need to eat, it’s probably because he’s secretly eating human fetuses, or something. eunuchs are invariably corrupt and the court system is useless. however, do NOT try to bribe anyone for a better SAT result for your idiot failson; this never works. nuns WILL try to seduce your wife into cheating on you. if your idiot failson does really badly on the SAT, make sure to have his father’s remains buried somewhere with A+ fengshui; this is Guaranteed to work (unless your wife is cheating on you).
oh yeah and ofc there’s the classic pretending-a-cow-is-the-reincarnation-of-your-deceased-mother scam. watch out for that one
answers to frequently asked questions:
the book is “The Book of Swindles” (i’m reading the columbia university press abridged edition)
its actually not the SAT its the civil service exams but like. same difference
yes it IS unhinged and you SHOULD read it
I need to know. What is the reincarnated cow mom scam?
found the english translation in a search.
buddhist monk encounters a friendly cow that likes to lick people when they are sweaty (salt)
monk drenches self in brine
monk goes to cow’s owner, claims the cow is the reincarnation of his deceased mother who was insufficiently devout, proves it by the cow having ‘affection’ for him like that between a mother and a son (licking his face profusely)
monk asks to buy the cow at half price but has no money (due to being monk), owner is so moved that he gives the monk the cow
monk now has a free cow (this is where I thought it would end) - fattens it up and has it slaughtered, sells half the meat and turns the other half to jerky, which he keeps hidden in his robes.
monk encounters a wealthy man and visits him at his house.
monk claims to be the spiritual brother of the wealthy man in a past life and that the wealthy man has been reincarnated as a human because he was too attached to the mortal world. monk claims that he has knowledge of past lives through being extremely devout and that he has been fasting for three years, consuming only hot water or clear tea. 'proves’ this by fasting for another month at the wealthy man’s house (by secretly eating the jerky).
Convinces the wealthy man that to show devotion he should give away a large sum of money for the monk to deliver to a holy man building a hermitage. Monk absconds with half the money.